This is the second TED talk I’ve recommended.
Watch the video through https://www.ted.com/talks/matt_trombley_the_beauty_and_complexity_of_finding_common_ground?language=zh-cn#t-476505
People are different. Typically, with similar interests, people can get together; with conflicting values, people will split apart. Most people always stay in their circle, holding their original beliefs and reinforcing their world views. But to achieve better relationships with more people, to get out of your comfort zone, you have to learn to negotiate and find common grounds with others. This is not easy for most times. It’s easier to rage and disagree with others than to calm down and have a thorough thinking about why others would think like that, why I would think in this particular way and whether there are possibilities to live together without forced changes on each other’s beliefs. To find common grounds, the first is to show extravagant grace to others. “Extravagant” means that even if sometimes others’ behavior offends us, we still need to keep calm and try to communicate. In this complex world, people are easy to get into what is called AGONISM. If people love someone, they agree to all he/she does or believes. If people disagree with someone, they hate or fear him/her. Only based on common grounds, people can calmly discuss with others and try to understand, and only with grace rather than explosion with anger, people can try to find common grounds. Lastly, we still need to be cautious about the degree of tolerance and grace. Single or several unconscious offenses can be tolerated, but frequent and excessive offenses need to be handled.
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